The things that you said // Cordelia & Fran

bornforthegoodfight:

“Cordelia, listen, this reality we have now is a screwy messed-up puzzle, like the ones with minuscule pieces. I’m sorry. All I ever wanted to do was get him back for you, but instead we have this. It’s wicked hard, and we’ve got to get used to it. There’s a learning curve, there needs to be.” She reached out to take her fidgeting hands, covering them with her own. This pain would linger, it would infect them as they performed this dance to find where Fran fit into the scheme of things. It would hurt Fran, and it would hurt Cordy. That was a necessary roadblock they couldn’t get around.

Her thumb grazed over Cordelia’s skin in a comforting gesture. “I didn’t know him, but he sounds, he feels, like a wonderful man. It’s okay to still miss him, to hate this side effect of the spell, that’s okay too.” She managed a smile for her because the journey ahead of them was long indeed, what else was there to do but try to smile until it came naturally again?

Prompted by Fran’s touch, Cordelia lifted her gaze once more. “None of what happened was your fault. If anything, I’m sorry you got caught up in our mess.” She twisted her hands around in the other woman’s grasp, linking their fingers together to keep her own from shaking.

“He was.” Cordelia murmured in affirmation, hesitantly returning Fran’s smile. She could never decide how she felt about having only part of him back, if it eased her pain or just heightened it. Nor could she manage to sort out how she felt for the woman sitting across from her– who fundamentally wasn’t him, but at the same time, was. “Not that I bothered realizing that until it was too late.” she added, laughing shakily. She’d known him for months, but had been blind to his feelings for her– as well as her own for him– practically until the night he died. 

“I was an idiot for not noticing– no, he was also an idiot for not telling me. But he was my idiot. And now he’s gone, Fran… and I really miss him.” she confessed quietly, the smile dropping from her face. Of course they both knew that already, but it was the first time she’d spoken those words aloud to anyone, including Angel, since Doyle had died. It felt… good, almost, to finally say it, but those four simple words also made this nightmare that was her life, that was Fran’s life, seem so much more real.

(via bornforthegoodfight)